How forgiving and forgiven are you?

GERALD COWAN’S PERSONAL PERIODICALS
Number 573 • October 25, 2020

HOW FORGIVING AND FORGIVEN ARE YOU?

Let’s get right to the point: If you are unforgiving you will be unforgiven. Jesus said it: (Ask God to) forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us…. If you forgive others your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your heavenly Father will not forgive your sins (Matthew 6:12, 14-15).

This principle applies in many ways. If you are not merciful to others you will not receive mercy – at least not from God (James 2:13). One who refuses to hear the cries of a needy brother will not be heard when he himself cries out in need or distress (Proverbs 21:13, compare James 2:15-17, 1 John 3:17). If you are not doing for or to others as required it will not be done to or for you when you require it. Don’t stop with Matthew 6 – continue without break into Matthew 7. The kind of judgment (reasonable, harsh, hypocritical, double standard, etc) you give others determines the kind of judgment you will receive. For example: Matthew 7:1ff. Those who judge with strict judgment, without mercy, without consideration of extenuating or mitigating circumstances, etc. will receive no mercy, etc when they are judged (compare James 2:13).

WHAT FORGIVENESS IS NOT.

It is not just ignoring the sin and those who wrong us, turning a blind eye or refusing to notice, refusing to hold others accountable. God does not overlook sins and neither should His people – God does not tell us to do so. Forgiveness does not mean sin somehow becomes invisible, to God or to any others. God’s omniscience means He always knows, without mistakes and without gaps, what was, what is, and what will be. At every moment He knows even the future as if it were the past (Isaiah 46:8-10). He knows what has been done, whether error has been corrected, whether any necessary thing remains to be done, whether and when it will be done. He does not close His eyes to anything.

God does not refuse to see or become unable to see sin once it has been forgiven. He does not remove it from his ledger, His book of remembrance, once He forgives it – nor does He ask us to do so. Like any good accountant God has separate parts to His ledger: (1) Accounts Receivable/Payable (what is still owed and must be paid); (2) Accounts Paid – payments made are duly noted and recorded so that one does not become charged again for debts already paid and therefore closed to further transactions.

God sees and knows constantly and always debts incurred, payments made, and amount still owed. When it is marked “truly and fully paid” it will not be remembered or charged against the person again. That is the extent of God’s forgetting: He will not bring a forgiven matter against the forgiven person again (Hebrews 8:12, 10:17).

Forgiveness is not a refusal to retaliate with a blow for a blow, eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth, or life for a life. One can refrain from retaliation but still harbor bitterness, ill will and resentment, holding the guilty accountable and rejecting the offending person. Jesus said if your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he then repents, forgive him (Luke 17:3).

It is not putting the offender on probation while we adjudicate and consider how inexcusable his behavior was, and then promise to forgive if and as long as no further offenses are forthcoming.

WHAT FORGIVENESS IS.

Since we are urged to forgive in the same way and to the same extent and with the same attitude as God displays in forgiving us (Ephesians 4:29-32), we can better understand what forgiveness is by observing what God does when He forgives. He does not remove the notation of wrong from His record. The blotting out of sins that accompanies conversion (Acts 3:19) is nothing more than moving the item from accounts payable to accounts paid and no longer to be charged against the convert. His actions toward the forgiven are as if the sin had never occurred at all. As in the case of the “prodigal son” (Luke 15:11-24) the once-away once-spiritually-dead son is restored to his rightful place, home again and alive to his father again. In God’s forgiveness the guilt is lifted, certain (though perhaps not all) consequences are removed, one is not bound in place as a current transgressor but is free to move forward toward the goals and rewards of the restored transgressor.

TAKE THE “HAVE I REALLY FORGIVEN MY OFFENDER” TEST

  1. Do you secretly rejoice when some misfortune happens to the one who offended or sinned against you? Does it please you to think “karma” has bitten your offender?
  2. Do you purposely avoid contact, or being present where he is? Do you speak to him only when necessary, never initiate conversation?
  3. Do you remember and can’t forget the wrong committed and how it hurt you, how it made you feel? Do you brood over it, silently meditating and still resenting the wrong done to you – perhaps even over-dramatizing the trauma and reliving the experience?
  4. If your offender needed help or asked you to pray for him, would you do it? Would you do good for him or pray for him without being asked?
  5. Have you talked with the one who sinned against you, telling him his fault and asking about your own fault – perhaps you caused him to sin against you? Have you asked him to repent and accept your forgiveness – have you asked him to accept your repentance and forgive you for your improper attitude and actions against him?
  6. Do you ask God, when praying for yourself, to help you find a way to be reconciled and restored to fellowship with your offender or one you have offended? Do you even want to be reconciled with him and in fellowship with him, serving and worshiping God together with him?

FORGIVING YOURSELF CAN BE A PROBLEM?

Be careful not to forgive yourself too easily for unforgiven and unforgivable sins against God, others, and yourself. You are not the final arbiter, judge, or jury. Refusing forgiveness offered to you by others, or by God, is a form of unforgiveness – which will not be forgiven (Matthew 6:14-15), as we noted at the beginning of this essay. Refusing to forgive, refusing to be forgiven or to accept forgiveness is also a form of unforgiveness. I recall vividly a man who told me, “I have been such a bad person and my sins are so terrible that I cannot forgive myself, and I could not respect anyone, not even God, who would forgive me for the things I’ve done.” Refusing to forgive yourself is also unforgiveness. Forgiving yourself is a matter of acknowledging the wrongs and accepting forgiveness, then letting them and the associated guilt go and moving forward in the new direction you are allowed to take. You can’t change your past nor can you live in it. You can let it be the past – by God’s grace the forgiven past – and thankfully reach toward the promises of the future with Him. The principle applies to anyone from whom you are estranged and want to be reconciled.

THE ONE WHO IS AWARE OF THE SEPARATION MUST TAKE THE INITIATIVE IN EFFECTING FORGIVENESS.

Don’t insist that the other person take the first step. If you are an offender you should take the first step (Matthew 5:23-24). If you are the offended don’t wait for the offender to take the first step. Let him know you are open to reconciliation and that you are seeking renewed fellowship with him (Matthew 18:15-17) and are willing to do whatever it takes to accomplish that. Both the offender and the offended are hindered from proper worship to God until the separating matter has been corrected.

When you sinned against God who took the first step to make a way back to Him? He did, by supplying a redeemer savior and opening a path for you to Himself in Jesus Christ (John 14:6).

The reason for seeking and giving forgiveness is not to find an excuse for condemning and destroying others but to save them, and to save yourself (Acts 2:40, Philippians 2:12-13).

HOW DOES “WALKING IN THE LIGHT” FORGIVE SIN?

Walking in the light (1 John 1:5-10) means you are doing what you know is right and avoiding what you know is wrong. “Walking in the light” is not synonymous with “being a Christian.” Nobody is perfect, making no mistakes, committing no sins. But if one finds he is wrong then repents and corrects it and seeks God’s forgiveness he will be forgiven. If one finds he is wrong and does not repent it, correct it, and seek forgiveness for it he is no longer walking in the light. Forgiveness is not automatic. Grace is not forgiveness – it is a way toward forgiveness. When one becomes aware of sin it must be repented and whatever else is necessary must be done in order to secure forgiveness. Walking in the light means growing in faith and knowledge and grace (2 Peter 3:18) – as one learns one adapts, one changes if necessary to comply with the new understanding of God’s will.

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