Questions to Use in Premarital Counseling

Premarital Counseling is very important to those planning to wed. Marriage is a complex concept and if we’re going to do it well, we need guidance from someone with the training and knowledge to help us. These questions help facilitate these goals. Some or all can be used for these purposes.

With the couple before me, I have them fill these questionnaires out separately and then we discuss them together. Marriage brings people of diverse experiences and teachings together and these questions help them see what they know and whether they’re truly compatible.

In doing so, we can steer them to Scripture and give them spiritual guidance along the way. However, many of these questions are of a practical nature and cover subjects most couples never consider before their nuptials.

Marriage
1. What is your goal in marriage?
2. What will you do to help accomplish it?
3. What do you see as your role in the marriage?
4. What do you see as your spouse’s role?
5. What will you be willing to change about yourself in order to make the marriage work?
6. Do you see divorce as an option in your marriage?
7. Under what circumstances would you end your marriage?
8. Why is sex so important in a marriage? Discuss 1 Corinthians 7:3-5.
9. Define a good listener. Why is being a good listener important in marriage?
10. What are your biggest challenges in getting married?
11. How does “giving up your freedom” affect you?
12. What does commitment mean to you?
13. Do you handle your problems by talking through them or by clamming up?
14. How do you think marriage is different than childhood fantasies of it?
15. Where will you live? Whose furniture, plates, pots, etc. will you use?
16. What is the difference between “my stuff” and “our stuff?”
17. Why is friendship a stronger basis for marriage than love or lust?
18. What is an unselfish love?
19. Define intimacy?

Parenting
1. Define “Christian parent.”
2. How many children do you want? What genders?
3. What role should you have in your children’s life?
4. What can your children expect from you?
5. How can you help keep your children safe emotionally?
6. Is it harmful for parents to argue in front of their children? If so, why?
7. Whose responsibility is it to “take care” of the children?
8. What form of discipline do you think works best? Why?
9. Is spanking acceptable as long as it is fair and properly administered?
10. Is it important that both parents are united in their discipline? If so, why?
11. How important is it to provide spiritual guidance for your child?

Outside Relationships
1. Each of you have friends before marriage. What role will they have now that you’re married?
2. How much time would you allow your spouse to spend with their friends?
3. How can friends damage your marriage?
4. What are the boundaries that you place on your friends around your children?
5. What are the boundaries for you and your spouse spending time with the opposite sex?
6. What role do in-laws play in a marriage?

Money
1. Who will be in charge of paying the bills and keeping the checkbook?
2. What should be the limit you or your spouse can spend without consulting the other?
3. What is your philosophy about credit cards and debt?
4. Do you believe in keeping and maintaining a budget?

Household Chores
1. Whose responsibility is it:
a. Laundry
b. Dishes
c. Mopping
d. Straightening the house
e. Make up the beds
f. Take out the garbage
2. What do you do with your dirty clothes when you take them off?

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